My "bonu" is going away for a week

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my best friend is going away for a week...
i am wondering who is going to wake me up before classes..
who is going to think about my lunch and pack some food for me..
i am wondering who is going to make sure that my dresses are starched or ironed...
who will jharify me as i mess up all the rooms... but only to set them right again...so that i can mess them up again...

hmm... i will miss you bonu... i love you.

Great Poetry Series-3 [To His Coy Mistress]

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Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)



Had we but world enough and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state;
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long-preserved virginity;
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.

Now, therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapped pow'r.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.


Illustration: Ophelia Redpath

A Letter to Rain

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[ You have come again with your majestic insouciance…

You have come with all your charms and pleasures ...
and for some near-pessimists like me, you have come with all your gloom and melancholia, knocking off the box that was so carefully built through out the year to keep us covered in a “forgetful” warmth. You make me sick, you put me off. You only leave me blue and bereft.
Here I’m writing an open letter to you…]


Dear Rain:

Stop whining…. there is no use of it anymore.
Yes I know how I loved you for a long time… yes I remember how I have run out of my house again and again to feel your touch on my face…yes, I admit that I felt drums beating in my veins when I came close to you… yes, I confess that you have poured in so much happiness into my soul that I no longer sought it anywhere else. I remember how you have loved me softly in many occasions and how sometimes you have grown wild and came whip-lashing on me…. yes, you have given me those rare moments of magic when sheer physical pains metamorphosed into frenzied ecstasies…

When you came to me, I always held you close… I had you all over me…I drowned myself into your passionate embrace… but I could never hold you back. I have agreed to all your playfulness, didn’t I? But I could never make you stay.


Baby, I need you but I won’t want you anymore. I will never ask you to stay or to make a promise of returning to me... There is always someone who loves you more…there is always someone who needs you more. Do I not know that? I am closing my windows on you. Yes, my love, I disown you tonight. I am liberating you from me, your unbearably possessive lover. I will only be a voyeur (and not a victim anymore) of your spectacle. I will be watching you from a distance, but only with an artistic detachment.


Yours,
Sharmee

Great Poetry Series-2

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I know you know
And yet you show
You do not know
And you ask
What is it I say
And what is it I mean
When all the while
I know you know
What i say
And what i mean.

Mirza Ghalib

(Translated by O. P. Kejariwal)

Great Poetry Series -1

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As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
"Love has no ending.

"I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

"I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

"The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world."

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
"O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

"In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

"In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

"Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

"O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

"The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

"Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

"O look, look in the mirror?
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

"O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart."

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

By W. H. Auden

life? where??

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Lives Not Lived


I was a bad student in school... in fact ( if I avoid the euphemisms),I was an awful student. Inever reached to the top ten.. no, not even top twenty... not even top thirty!!I made my highest achievement in school whenI was in class VII; I was 58th. Iused tobe proud thatI had at least made it to the top sixties. My childhood friend Tilat never made it this high after class III... and it is a truth universally acknowledged that it is much tougher to be 58th in class VII than to be 1st or 2nd in class III.

The first timeI flunked my math and science courses whenI was in class V... Maa couldn’t believe it (her daughter?! her daughter?! ). She was so embarrassed that she decided to go to Rajshahi to bury her shame... she did that. My mama went to get my report card and my teachers severely complained to him about my misdeeds, mishaps and missed classes!I prayed hard to mother earth to open up and swallow me in.... but alas... she was indifferent; she didn't understand the emergency! Too busy to hear the prayers of a 10-year-old. however her decision wasn't that bad; after all, where would this 25 year old blogger come from if mother earth had embraced her that day... life has her strange ways to dictate us.

I have suddenly rediscovered my SSC mark-sheet today. That’s the reason whyI am writing this drivel about school today.I remembered that i got 4 letters (more than 80%)in SSC but couldn’t think which subjectsI achieved those distinctions in.I discovered thatI got letters in Science (!), Maths (!!), Agricultural Science (!!!) and Religion (!!!!).... can you belive it?I cannott make even tiny calculations without calculators (thank god Samsung mobile phones have them), cant stand reading even science-fiction; and i got letters in maths and science! if you know me even for a week, you would know that the only muslim thing about me is my last name... and i got distinctions in Islamiat... ah selukas! what a strange world!

Some more feathers were added to my distinction glories after my HSC. From standing 58th out of a class of 200 students, I stood 16th in the Dhaka Board out of almost two hundred thousand students. So many doors of possibilities werewide open. I could have been a mathematician or a woman moulana or a shrimp-specialist or at least an entomologist…. I could not be any of those. Instead I ended up eventually as a student of English literature (where I topped the class, imagine that); and now I am a university teacher, something I never dreamt of becoming.

There is a famous “road” poem by Robert Frost where you always get to choose from two roads “diverged in a yellow wood”… the traveler stands “and look[s] down one as far as [one] could / To where it bent in the undergrowth”. He thinks and ponders; evaluates and reevaluates... and then takes the “different” one, the one he claims to be “less traveled by”.

But if you ask me… it all bullshit!

You never have any choice. Life chains you .. punches you on the face... handcuffs you and takes you to gallows. when (the hell) do you have time to ponder and choose between roads? Robert Frost had time. ... you dont. all you have is a drab and colorless one way. you cant even look back. there are crashes and bangs; speeding faces and fading music. your memory blots out every time you try recollect whether there was any other way or not. there was no other way...there is none!

enjoy your r.i.d.e.

Convocation Blues

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As Things Fell Apart



something i really liked has broken today....it is a key ring that i got in the convocation goody bag this year. i didnt go to the convocation though... didnt quite like the idea of iazuddin-faiz-yunus trio speaking and honoring each other. the key ring was dear to me. you dont know what pain i went through to get those goodies... i requested a senior apu, ordered a junior bhaiya, bribed a mama at the registrar's office, wasted a considerable amount of money on phone calls and rickshaw/ cng fair for subsequent visits to the campus. nothing paid off! i was at a brink of a depression when i relayed it to professor shawkat hussain. he, quite graciously, decided to give me his goody bag. ("i get one like this every year", he said, "dont worry. i will give you the one i get this year") i was hesitant at the first place while he was insistent... than i took it after some "no sir- no sir" whinings.


for somedays i felt quite good holding the key ring in one hand and the coffee mug in the other. our floor attendant broke my coffee mug some weeks back...the only consolation for me was the key ring. my TA broke it today. should i ask some other sir to get me one more goody bag ...again? i am hesitant, again..

"i didnt go to the convocation" is perhaps not the right way to put it. it will be a self-consolating lie. the fact is that i wanted to go. i went to the registrar's office and did all the formalities there... i went to Rokeya Hall and did all the formalities there too. i was about to go to the TSC bank to finish my last set of formalities when i realized that it was a thursday and the bank transaction was not possible after 12.00 PM. Those were the crazy AL blockade days.... only a rickshaw could be my pegasus to the Agrani Bank in the follwing days. i couldnt go. the deadline expired soon after.

it was not my fault; it is the politicians who are to be blame. they have not only wiped out years of our (innocent students) lives by numerous strikes and blockades but also prevented us from joining the convocation ceremony. ..a day that is much coveted... a day that we dream of from the very commencement of our studies at the university.

my friend, however, thinks it is my unshakable procrastination... my sister thinks i couldn't go because i am just lazy bones. i dont subscribe to these thoughts... neither should you....

whatever it is... i will still blame the politicians....

oh! my coffee mug... ah! my key ring...
let me be silent for a while in the memory of my convocation goodies!!